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Thursday, October 15, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sentence Served part 2
I started my new job last week and so far I really like it! Everyone I have met seems to be very nice. My impression is that this is going to be a good place to work with a great working atmosphere.
I will actually receive weekends and holidays off! That will be very nice, hospitals are open 24/7 as we all know so..someone has to be there. Not ME!
With Spring here and summer threatening be here in the blink of an eye, I finally was able to plant a flower garden yesterday. This is not a big garden but just a small one for now, in the front of the house. I do have hopes of planting another area on the side of the house. I think this spot would be great for growing Sweet Peas. Plenty of sun in this area and the best part is that there are 2 windows on that side near by. The smell of the flowers will be able to fill the living room.
So back to my last post. Between the new job and my brain slow to process this trouble I got myself into It has actually taken me much longer to finish this then I had hoped.
If you had read Ben's last post, you will know already that once again I got myself into a bit of trouble.
I knew already the canning was going to be severe, 20 in the diaper position. The reality of the whole situation....It was much worse then I had anticipated.
Usually, the brain plays tricks and we get ourselves worked up over a punishment and most of the time it is not as bad as we think it will be. Not this time!
I had no idea how many I had already received, I could not think of anything but the pain. Thank goodness I did not have to count, I would not have been able too. I asked a few times what number we were at. This actually seemed like it was taking hours.
I honestly hope that I never earn that kind of punishment again. Well, at least not that many anyway with the cane. It is set in stone now that when I am naughty that cane is sure going to leave it's mark.
The marks left from the cane were many as promised. I had one angry red bottom with stripes. I was not given any hard enough to break the skin. They were hard enough to leave a nasty welt. I sure felt those for a few days too.
2 days later I was given the punishment spankings. One was given right after the other. I am actually thankful they were both given together like that. It was now finally over and I could stop thinking about what was going to come.
Ben spanked me hard and for a long time. My bottom was completely bruised, it took a good week for the bruises to fade. With the bruises faded and almost gone the memory made from the punishment is still clear, just like it happened yesterday.
I will actually receive weekends and holidays off! That will be very nice, hospitals are open 24/7 as we all know so..someone has to be there. Not ME!
With Spring here and summer threatening be here in the blink of an eye, I finally was able to plant a flower garden yesterday. This is not a big garden but just a small one for now, in the front of the house. I do have hopes of planting another area on the side of the house. I think this spot would be great for growing Sweet Peas. Plenty of sun in this area and the best part is that there are 2 windows on that side near by. The smell of the flowers will be able to fill the living room.
So back to my last post. Between the new job and my brain slow to process this trouble I got myself into It has actually taken me much longer to finish this then I had hoped.
If you had read Ben's last post, you will know already that once again I got myself into a bit of trouble.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With 20 down and 20 more to go I had already learned a valuable lesson. My mind was racing like the Indy 500, thinking hell not only do I have to finish taking the cane but I still have 2 spankings coming and something told me that this was not going to be like any other punishment spanking I have had in the past.I knew already the canning was going to be severe, 20 in the diaper position. The reality of the whole situation....It was much worse then I had anticipated.
Usually, the brain plays tricks and we get ourselves worked up over a punishment and most of the time it is not as bad as we think it will be. Not this time!
I had no idea how many I had already received, I could not think of anything but the pain. Thank goodness I did not have to count, I would not have been able too. I asked a few times what number we were at. This actually seemed like it was taking hours.
I honestly hope that I never earn that kind of punishment again. Well, at least not that many anyway with the cane. It is set in stone now that when I am naughty that cane is sure going to leave it's mark.
The marks left from the cane were many as promised. I had one angry red bottom with stripes. I was not given any hard enough to break the skin. They were hard enough to leave a nasty welt. I sure felt those for a few days too.
2 days later I was given the punishment spankings. One was given right after the other. I am actually thankful they were both given together like that. It was now finally over and I could stop thinking about what was going to come.
Ben spanked me hard and for a long time. My bottom was completely bruised, it took a good week for the bruises to fade. With the bruises faded and almost gone the memory made from the punishment is still clear, just like it happened yesterday.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sentence Served
Looking back at the 16 months Ben and I have been together it seems that I am slow to learn. It is difficult to be able to describe a very real punishment spanking. Just when I think you will behave for some time, I blow it. Last week was a very rough week or me. I had 3 punishments for being a very naughty girl.
The crime committed was last Saturday. We had went out to the sportsmen club to have a beer. I had a few glasses of wine before we went that afternoon, I was frustrated, maybe agitated so I started drinking early. Now I do not normally drink early in the afternoon but on occasion I have when I am trying to forget.
In reality I don't forget but become more frustrated, even a bit angry and resentful.
That I was happened last Saturday. We were having a beer and the dam broke and out came some hurtful words and very embarrassing words.
I embarrssed Ben and myself with my behavior. I was very disrespectful and hurtful. I spoke loudly when I was voicing my frustrations to Ben. This was a very naughty way to behave. This is what earned me three punishment sessions.
The first one was just awful. How can you really explain a punishment? There are so many emotions, so many different stages that you go through when you are being punished. I know many of you reading this blog know exactly what I am talking about.
I knew I had earned a severe punishment then I was told there would be three! On Sunday afternoon Ben and I had some yummy sex! It was good! I think knowing I had punishments coming excited me more! I know you all know what I mean.
We fell asleep and had a refreshing nap together. I woke feeling really wonderful. Then the ball dropped, Ben told me to stack the pillows on the bed and to get into position.
My first punishment was going to be a canning. My stomach was doing all sorts of flip flops. I hate the cane, it is evil, what a perfect way to teach a naughty girl.
I was told that I had earned 40 with the cane. I really truly just wanted to run and never return. I was scared, 40 with the cane. I have been barely able in the past to take 12. Ben also said these I would feel, they would all leave there mark.
For the first 20 Ben had me over the pillows face down. I just could not believe that this was happening. I never thought Ben would punish me this seriously. It was all I could do to stay in position to take the first set of 20. I was in tears and sobbing by the third strike from the cane. I was truly sorry, at first I was sorry for myself, that I put myself into this situation.
Why did I say the things I said? In public? Out Loud?
The first set of 20 was over and Ben took me in his arms where I cried my eyes out. I was so very sore and very sorry by this point. I surely earned this that's for sure. After a bit, when I was done crying and composed I was told it was time to take the next 20. I just wanted to die, I was thinking to myself can't he tell I have learned my lesson?
Ben put me in the diaper position! I was now very scared. I know that this was going to be much worse then what I had just endured. I had 20 more to go!
The crime committed was last Saturday. We had went out to the sportsmen club to have a beer. I had a few glasses of wine before we went that afternoon, I was frustrated, maybe agitated so I started drinking early. Now I do not normally drink early in the afternoon but on occasion I have when I am trying to forget.
In reality I don't forget but become more frustrated, even a bit angry and resentful.
That I was happened last Saturday. We were having a beer and the dam broke and out came some hurtful words and very embarrassing words.
I embarrssed Ben and myself with my behavior. I was very disrespectful and hurtful. I spoke loudly when I was voicing my frustrations to Ben. This was a very naughty way to behave. This is what earned me three punishment sessions.
The first one was just awful. How can you really explain a punishment? There are so many emotions, so many different stages that you go through when you are being punished. I know many of you reading this blog know exactly what I am talking about.
I knew I had earned a severe punishment then I was told there would be three! On Sunday afternoon Ben and I had some yummy sex! It was good! I think knowing I had punishments coming excited me more! I know you all know what I mean.
We fell asleep and had a refreshing nap together. I woke feeling really wonderful. Then the ball dropped, Ben told me to stack the pillows on the bed and to get into position.
My first punishment was going to be a canning. My stomach was doing all sorts of flip flops. I hate the cane, it is evil, what a perfect way to teach a naughty girl.
I was told that I had earned 40 with the cane. I really truly just wanted to run and never return. I was scared, 40 with the cane. I have been barely able in the past to take 12. Ben also said these I would feel, they would all leave there mark.
For the first 20 Ben had me over the pillows face down. I just could not believe that this was happening. I never thought Ben would punish me this seriously. It was all I could do to stay in position to take the first set of 20. I was in tears and sobbing by the third strike from the cane. I was truly sorry, at first I was sorry for myself, that I put myself into this situation.
Why did I say the things I said? In public? Out Loud?
The first set of 20 was over and Ben took me in his arms where I cried my eyes out. I was so very sore and very sorry by this point. I surely earned this that's for sure. After a bit, when I was done crying and composed I was told it was time to take the next 20. I just wanted to die, I was thinking to myself can't he tell I have learned my lesson?
Ben put me in the diaper position! I was now very scared. I know that this was going to be much worse then what I had just endured. I had 20 more to go!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Lemons
There have been some trying times in my life a few more than I think is fair. The last few years seems that life has been tossing lemons at me. I have had for a while now an “I don’t give a sh** attitude,” An attitude that does not care. An attitude that gave up hope!
The last few days I have been doing some hard thinking. I realize I must care. If I did not care then why does it bother me?
Then I realize I am not ready to quit, this is the time to come out with gloves on and fight.
I have decided to turn the lemons into lemonade or maybe even some lemon meringue pie.
What actually brought on all this deep thinking is the punishments that I have received this week. In my last post I mentioned that I really screwed up this time, I really hurt Ben on this. Between Ben’s hurt, disappointment and anger with me, I knew then that things need to change. The thing is this…Change starts with me. Things that really need to change can’t change without me changing too.
I have read many opinions on blogs about punishment spankings and if they work. Can a punishment spanking really change an attitude or behavior that is not acceptable?
I do believe that they can. BUT…They can’t unless the person who is getting punished really wants to change for the better. The other consideration is the severity of the punishment. If the punishment is sever enough that in itself maybe enough for change.
I have had punishments in the past that really have not worked as they should. Why? One of the factors is that I was not ready for that change and some of the punishments I have received were really not all that bad. Believe me when I say, I have had many punishment spankings that did make me think the next time if it was worth it or not to misbehave.
I have received three very severe punishments this week. The kind that makes you think twice before repeating that same behavior. The punishments were the severest I have ever had and I have been warned that these spankings I received will not be the last.
I actually asked Ben “what do I need to avoid?” “What type of behavior would earn me this kind of punishment?” The punishments that I received are the kind you never want again!
Monday, May 4, 2009
I am really out of touch these days in Cyber World, I am behind in reading many of my favorite blogs. Not to mention I am not blogging myself these days, not that I blogged regularly anyway.
I will be starting a new job soon and I hope that will help change part of my attitude. As you all know for a while now I have been struggling with my inner demons. I think I may have turned into a bitch! AGH!
Submission? Me ? Not!
That part of me, I many weeks ago decided not to think about or stress about it. I wanted to just let it all go, it is just not there anymore. I know deep inside of me I am changing, I hope for the better. But many days I feel as if I am failing, I feel as if I have turned into a failure.
I have been at my job for about 16 months now and I knew it was time to leave. I turned the site I am at completely around. I have been praised many times for my work. But yet they always tell me I am not qualified for the $1,000.00 quarterly bonus!
WHY?!? Well I am told that, this, that and the other thing is still pending! WHAT? Hopefully not revealing too much here but I am a certified physicians coder! When I took over this site, they were behind almost 6 months in the billing not to mention all the other problems I have sorted out! The billing and coding is current every day. I just do not understand.
Well, Next Monday I will be at my new job and I believe that I made a really wise choice. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I did indeed take the right job. I had turned down 2 others jobs that paid more money. One of the jobs was, wow, paid a whole bunch of money. But I know that is the type of job that keeps you going 24/7. Right now I just can't handle that kind of stress.
My stress levels have been very high. I feel stressed all day every day. With all the boys back and living at home between the 3 of them. There has not been a day where we can be alone. This has been going on for so long now. I feel as if I am in a vanilla relationship.
Seems the only time I blog is when I get into trouble. I have nothing new or exciting that ever goes on in my life. I can not remember the last time Ben and I played. Six months ago maybe? Maybe even longer. We have been living together for a year now, well little over and I have had maybe a handful of gg spankings! UGH! Well I probably do not deserve them anyway. Especially lately! I am frustrated beyond words. It seems that most things are just ignored. Actually, I feel ignored most of the time.
The only time my bottom is warmed is after I have screwed up! And lately when I screw up, I really screw up big time. Yes, you guessed it. I did screw up again!
I am not going into any real details today about right now. I honestly can not believe what I had said to Ben, not to mention where I said it. I am still processing what happened. This occurred on Friday evening.
Yeah, I know it has been a few days since I screwed up royally! That even maybe an under statement. I do know he is still angry with me.
When I can gather my thoughts I will let you know what happened.
I will be starting a new job soon and I hope that will help change part of my attitude. As you all know for a while now I have been struggling with my inner demons. I think I may have turned into a bitch! AGH!
Submission? Me ? Not!
That part of me, I many weeks ago decided not to think about or stress about it. I wanted to just let it all go, it is just not there anymore. I know deep inside of me I am changing, I hope for the better. But many days I feel as if I am failing, I feel as if I have turned into a failure.
I have been at my job for about 16 months now and I knew it was time to leave. I turned the site I am at completely around. I have been praised many times for my work. But yet they always tell me I am not qualified for the $1,000.00 quarterly bonus!
WHY?!? Well I am told that, this, that and the other thing is still pending! WHAT? Hopefully not revealing too much here but I am a certified physicians coder! When I took over this site, they were behind almost 6 months in the billing not to mention all the other problems I have sorted out! The billing and coding is current every day. I just do not understand.
Well, Next Monday I will be at my new job and I believe that I made a really wise choice. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I did indeed take the right job. I had turned down 2 others jobs that paid more money. One of the jobs was, wow, paid a whole bunch of money. But I know that is the type of job that keeps you going 24/7. Right now I just can't handle that kind of stress.
My stress levels have been very high. I feel stressed all day every day. With all the boys back and living at home between the 3 of them. There has not been a day where we can be alone. This has been going on for so long now. I feel as if I am in a vanilla relationship.
Seems the only time I blog is when I get into trouble. I have nothing new or exciting that ever goes on in my life. I can not remember the last time Ben and I played. Six months ago maybe? Maybe even longer. We have been living together for a year now, well little over and I have had maybe a handful of gg spankings! UGH! Well I probably do not deserve them anyway. Especially lately! I am frustrated beyond words. It seems that most things are just ignored. Actually, I feel ignored most of the time.
The only time my bottom is warmed is after I have screwed up! And lately when I screw up, I really screw up big time. Yes, you guessed it. I did screw up again!
I am not going into any real details today about right now. I honestly can not believe what I had said to Ben, not to mention where I said it. I am still processing what happened. This occurred on Friday evening.
Yeah, I know it has been a few days since I screwed up royally! That even maybe an under statement. I do know he is still angry with me.
When I can gather my thoughts I will let you know what happened.
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